I am trying to look at it from his perspective, because his view of the world is so much different than mine. It is almost as if we think and exist on two different planes most of the time. There are points where we overlap, but those are always in the physical present. And when we talk about relationships or needs or wants we do not even speak the same language. It would be like me trying to have a conversation about same sex marriage with a devout catholic. We could never understand each other because the starting points of our ideologies do not even acknowledge the other exists. I would be running off at the mouth about the virtues of my new shampoo and he would just look at me and scratch his big, bald head.
And say I was even willing to talk about what I need and what I want, it would not fit his requirements. The personal neediness and the worldliness of it all would overwhelm him. He would hear me out, even invite the discussion, but he has no ability to fulfill my needs (which may be bottomless after all), and likely no inclination.
I could no more drag that confounding and lovely Buddhist so-called boyfriend of mine into my planned and defined idea of a relationship than he could catch me with his own loosely woven and unreliable net.
It is a lesson in love and acceptance. That, and being realistic. And now it is my turn to try my best.